A Festive Gift for You - from Yucan UK

My dear fellow professionals,

The festivities are upon us and, for business owners like us, they often bring mixed blessings. To embrace the spirit of the season, I thought it fitting to give you a special gift.

My name is Bijan and my company is called Yucan UK (yucan.co.uk). As a psychologist, teacher, life coach, and a father, my gift is not a tangible item but a practical tool designed to help us navigate the emotional rollercoaster of the season - and beyond.

Christmas is a very emotional time. It is a time of great challenges for business owners with the most pressing one being the ever-elusive work-life balance. Your family needs you, your business needs you, your friends want you and your mind, body and emotions start to pull you in different directions.

“...Yes my dear, I know it’s Christmas, but my customers are relying on me and we are one man short… Yes, yes, I will remember to get the Christmas tree on time this year. Hold on dear… No, Jack, Mr Henderson’s order takes priority… What were you saying dear?”

There are many ways in which we can manage our emotions. One group of techniques is based on the idea of ‘distancing’. Another group is based on the idea of ‘dissociation’. In both cases, the point is to stop the emotional side of us getting in the way of us making the best (most logical) choices at times when emotions begin to feel overwhelming.

In the following technique / exercise, I have combined the two ideas and have added a little eastern spice. I call it the “Stellar Magic Carpet” technique and it has worked its magic on many of my clients.

For this technique to be most effective, I recommend that you practice it ten to fifteen times BEFORE you find yourself in a stressful situation. The idea is to be able to evoke the image just as you begin to notice the stress.

— Start of Exercise —

Imagine a stressful situation. This could be due to a sense of urgency, an interpersonal conflict, multiple and simultaneous operational issues or just general overwhelm (being tempted to give it all up). Now, pretend you are a sorcerer (or sorceress) and with a subtle wave of your hand, summon a magic carpet. And there is, in front of you, hovering a few inches above the ground, temptingly beckoning you with its tentacle-like fringes. Now project yourself onto the carpet and see yourself rising above the situation… You are now a few feet above the ground (perhaps close to the ceiling), looking down at yourself and the situation your stressed self is in. As an observer, looking down on him, how do you feel about him and his situation?

You have left the feeling of stress behind you and you are looking at the situation more objectively. Now, notice how the magic carpet is floating further and further up until you leave the stratosphere. Now, you are beginning to see where the situation fits ‘in the grand scheme of things’. Notice the greater clarity with which you can now see the situation and prioritise. Notice how much easier it is to make decisions and how much less you worry about the consequences of those decisions - No pain, no gain, right? The moment you think that, you find yourself back where you were before the magic carpet appeared. Now, with a flick of your hand, throw out the negative emotions, make the best decision you can and realise that you are not going to second-guess your decision because that would be a waste of time until you get some feedback regarding the consequences of those decisions - And, of course, if those consequences are negative, you will deal with them just as easily as you made the decision. Take a deep breath, give yourself a metaphorical pat on the back (I often give myself a physical pat on the back), smile, and turn your attention eagerly to the next most important decision that you need to make.

— End of Exercise —

I hope you take the time to try the exercise, and I would love to hear from you regarding its effectiveness in helping you deal with emotional situations.

Bijan Riazi-Farzad (Dr Beej)

Yucan UK (yucan.co.uk*)

[email protected]

*[I created the website 13 years ago and have, since, focussed my energies on my clients; hence the vintage look and feel.]